Possibilities Playground Newsletter

The Key to Getting What You Want

Have you ever gotten swept up into a swirling mess of thoughts that only got you riled up even more than before and left you either in a puddle of emotions or armed to the teeth for battle? Perhaps you were so worried about something, you convinced yourself that the worst was certain to happen and you began mentally preparing for it?

Yeah. Those are perfect examples of when we are flat out giving our power away and quickly distancing ourselves from what we want the most. Ha, ha – yes you heard me right. I said, “…giving our power away.” As in, not holding onto our power in order to utilize it to achieve that which we desire.

That may seem like an odd statement to make. After all, when you're in a situation where the line has been crossed, it's nearly impossible to imagine that you are the one doing the hurting. I mean let's face it, somebody else actually caused the hurt to begin with, right?!

While I completely understand that line of thinking, I’m afraid I must be the bearer of bad news, because that’s just not entirely true. If I had a dime for every time my mother said to me as a child, “Sara, no one can make you mad but you,” I’d be rich! The same wisdom applies here.

Even when we are in the pits of despair, we are still in fact in control of our thoughts and ultimately our emotions. And hey, I’ll be the first one to tell you that sometimes hanging out in said pit feels like the place to be! That’s okay. After all, there’s something to be said for going through it instead of around it. Sometimes a pity party, a temper tantrum, and/or a really good cry actually feels good and can help you shift from feeling terrible to just a little better. And when you feel just a little better, it’s easier to crawl towards a little better still and with enough time and self-love you can crawl right out of that pit of despair and carry on with your life. (Side note: for anyone thinking of my last newsletter on being careful which wolf you feed, that concept still applies – as long as you don’t feed the negative wolf so much that it totally takes over.)

Okay, moving on, let’s say you’ve gotten through the worst of it and are ready to consider some alternatives to help you get what you want. Whether that’s a job where you enjoy the people you work with or improving the relationship with your mother-in-law or simply feeling loved by your romantic partner – the solution is the same. It’s a two-step process: break it down and build it up.

To begin with, you’ve got to change things up. Stop expecting the worst. Stop playing the same broken movie in your head where everything goes to hell in a hand basket. Stop dancing to the same beat.

Here are a few questions that Byron Katie uses in her practice called The Work that are direct, honest and incredibly liberating. These questions can be used in a variety of ways but, for the purposes of this article, I’m focusing on how you can use them to break out of the whoa-is-me vibe.

First, think of or write down the statement that is making you feel terrible. For example:

  • He doesn’t love me and we’re going to break up.
  • I hate my job and hate that I have no choice but to keep it.
  • My mother-in-law is trying to make my life miserable.

Next, ask yourself and quietly listen for the answer to the following questions:

  1. Is it true? (yes or no)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (try to think of 3 real examples)
  3. How do you react and what happens when you believe that thought? (think of 3 possible examples)
  4. Who would you be without that thought? (think of 3 examples)

It’s been my experience that those questions burn a hole in my argument and leave me open to new possibilities. So, with your old story out of the way, now we can move on to focusing on what it is that you really do want!

First, think of or write down what you really want. (Typically this is the opposite of the statement you made under Break It Down.) For example:

  • He loves me and we’ll be together for the foreseeable future.
  • I love my job and wake up happy to go to work.
  • My mother-in-law is helpful in a lot of ways.

Next, think of or write down as many truths about your statement as you can, no matter how trivial they may seem. For example:

  • He made me breakfast for Mother’s Day, left a flower on my pillow last month, etc.
  • I love that I only have a 15-minute commute, that I no longer have to work with Sue all the time, that my email is working again, etc.
  • My mother-in-law took the kids last week when I was feeling sick, she makes a great apple pie for Thanksgiving, she honestly loves my family, etc.

When you start filling your head with positive truths instead of willy-nilly wishes, you’d be amazed at what happens! Some would say that your subconscious takes them as direct orders and adopts a “that’s just how it is” type of approach to making sure more of those sorts of things happen. Others would say it’s the Law of Attraction at work, bringing you more of what you focus on. In the end, does it matter?

The point is, by breaking down your expectations and building up your intentions, you can leverage the power within you to turn things around and experience any number of incredibly wonderful things in your life!

To quickly recap:

When we get into the trap of expecting less than stellar things to happen, we need to remember that expectations are defined as a belief or a hope. In a way, it’s easy to feel like things are being done ‘to’ you. That is a weak position from which to operate.

Shifting to a stronger position involves setting clear intentions for the situation at hand. Intentions are defined as direct and purposeful, like an idea that’s being formed into a plan. They feel more like something you are creating, that things will happen ‘because’ of you.

Ahhhhh, we are such powerful creatures; we just need to remember that and use our powers for our own good!

image gif sara sig clear


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The Key to Getting What You Want by Sara Russell of Feel the Possibilities
Visit Sara at: www.feelthepossibilities.com
Send email to sara@feelthepossibilities.com