Self-Sabotage Is Sneaky

August 10, 2011

How is it that we can be feeling something and be so out of touch with it? I still slip into this pattern now and again – usually not even realizing it until someone points it out.

Case in point: Last week I was on a date with someone I’ve seen just enough so that he was able to notice and comfortably share that I looked tense. Huh. Really? I don’t think so…I mean, yes, I have been having more headaches than normal; and yes, I am in the midst of making some big changes with my business – but tense? Nahhhhh.

Wait, let me think about that for a second. In retrospect, I had been feeling a little funky. Actually, in the last couple of weeks it felt more like I was approaching the end of my rope. I’ve been working like a beast the last couple of months and exhaustion was starting to set in, but I hadn’t ALLOWED myself to THINK those thoughts because I’m your hardcore positive thinker extraordinaire. I am a powerful creator because I know there’s a world of possibilities all around!

Hmmmmm, on the other hand, I wasn’t feeling or thinking much about those precious possibilities. FOILED. Furthermore, how did he see it when I didn’t? How is it that I didn’t notice what I was feeling, what I was thinking, or what my body was telling me?

As I stepped back to observe, it seemed I’d been so worried about how something might turn out that I spent waaaay too much time going over the potential scenarios and preparing myself for each one INSTEAD of intentionally thinking / daydreaming about what I actually wanted to happen. Arrrrgh! This is such a classic form of self-sabotage! Initially, I was bummed because I thought I’d moved beyond such things, then was reminded self-sabotage most often appears when we’re poised to make a quantum leap.

Woo-hooo! Just like that I switched from disappointment to excitement, from worry to anticipation, from overwhelm to productivity, and I LOVE HOW I FEEL NOW!

So now my ‘job’ will be to nurture these feelings with thoughtful attention – literally. I will be giving much more attention to what’s coming and what it might look like, what I’d like my quantum leap to result in, where I’d like to go to have the kind of environment to delve into this head first. (After all, my house has wheels for a reason!)

Yeah, finding ways to align my thoughts to what I want and bridge them to how good I’m currently feeling is a magical formula for living a deliberate life. This is how I escaped from corporate America’s 60+ hours a week; how I fought with and overcame the nerves to set out on my own journey; and now, how I’m going to push through the newest barrier to get to my dream on the other side.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

HollyAnn Rogers August 21, 2011 at 7:26 am

Congratulations on recognizing and re-focusing! It’s so easy to wander that direction without realizing it, especially when you’re trying to help others find their way.

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Sara August 24, 2011 at 10:36 am

It IS easy to wander aimlessly! There’s always so much to do and take care of just to maintain our lives, much less to *think* about them! Thanks for the pat on the back :)

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