Possibilities Playground Newsletter

Fuck It.

Fuck it. That’s the title of this article and while I’m not proud of the vulgar language, I feel compelled to pull the curtain back so to speak and reveal the temper tantrum I had one night in the hot tub while talking to the Universe.

There I sat – lost, exhausted and too damn tired to care. Tears welled up and fell into the water around me, but not a sound could be heard because I was too tired to move my body or even let forth a deep sigh of discontent. That alone speaks volumes, but wait…there’s more…

With the start of a physical release came the emotional one that sounded something like this (in my head mind you, cuz I was too tired to open my mouth):

Argh! I am soooooo fucking tired.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.
What the hell is my damn purpose anyway?

Fuck. I don’t fucking care…I just don’t fucking care.
Tell me if you have this all fucking figured out…just tell me what the fuck to do.
Tell you what, I’ll do whatever the fuck is directly in front of me.
I will give 125% to whatever is front and center, but that’s fucking it.

Right now that means I’ll love my boys and Drew, and I’ll work on this yard, kitchen and any projects you put in front of me – but that’s fucking it!

Do with me whatever the fuck you want…I don’t care.
Have me go wherever the fuck you want me to go…I don’t care.
But know this – you’d better be really fucking clear…
Really. Fucking. Clear. Dammit.

Clearly my energy was spewing all over the hot tub because just after my private conversation with spirit, Drew asked in an especially tender way “What’s wrong sweetie?” To which I replied as any normal, self-loathing woman would – I started crying and babbling. Thankfully Drew speaks babble (or is telepathic) and was somehow able to converse with me well enough to calm me down and get me out of the hot tub before I cooked myself (let’s not forget I didn’t fucking care about anything at that point!)

Without ever talking about it to Drew or anyone else, the next day I knew it was time to make a change with what was happening with Feel The Possibilities, cuz quite frankly I wasn’t feeling them – and if I couldn’t, then how could I hope to pass it on to anyone else?

{INSERT EGO HERE}

But wait…THIS is what I do! I inspire others with my stories and ideas and thoughts. I help them get a glimpse of what could be if only they’d take off the blinders and be willing to get a little uncomfortable. Right? I mean, if I don’t do THIS – then I’m just another average Joe. I’ve cultivated this over a few years, I’d be mad to just let it go without a plan or strategy in hand.

{INSERT INNER TRUTH HERE}

Stop. Remember. Who ARE you really? That’s right…you’re a spiritual being having a physical experience. There’s no need to prove anything to anyone because you are all connected. It’s ALL GOOD. Honor your feelings. Know they are your best guide. When you can’t see the forest for the trees, it’s even more important to use your Emotional Guidance System. So give yourself a break here.

It was then that I remembered a very specific message I’d been given when contemplating another big change after my divorce. I was taking a yoga class on a beach in Key West. We were in a resting pose. My eyes were closed and I saw ‘someone’ write these words:

Release. Allow. Surrender. Let go. Just be.

And so I did it. I made the next leap in my journey. I announced my semi-resignation and did it that way because I had no line of sight to what would be next…and…I didn’t care I found peace in following my heart. I found faith and was happy to let her steer the way for a bit.

And I’ve been crazy busy ever since! A large contract plopped into my lap a few days later that has me booked through October of this year. And you know what I’ve started to realize? I’ve been looking at my independent contracting through a dirty lens. I’d judged it to be my ‘cash cow’ that would allow me to then work on what I really loved.

But here’s the thing. I LOVE TRAINING. I love it! I love translating whatever leadership, change management and even sales class I’m writing or delivering into one that comes from a place of personal empowerment. And I’m good at it. Like, really good.

Still don’t know what that means for me and my future, but I’m more okay with it than ever. And so here’s what I really wanted to impart to you…

You can’t go wrong following your heart. You just can’t. Whether your heart is cursing at the gods or gently tugging a different direction – there is no greater wisdom you can find than the one you are already connected to.

And yes, your ego will raise its head and try to talk you out of change. That’s what it does. It means well, but alas – more often than not I think the opposite is what is really in our best interests.

Nonetheless, if you find yourself in a heated debate with yourself and confused as to which voice to listen to – there are some easy things you can do to figure it out.

You could use Byron Katie’s Inquiry technique from her book, The Work:

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? (feel into whether it brings you some form of peace or stress)
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

Or you could even narrow it down to asking yourself, “Does this serve me?” and then listen for and play with the answers that come and work it out that way.

Whatever you do, whenever you hit a wall – just know it’s okay to drop the f-bomb if that makes you feel better ;) That, too, is a form of surrender and release and I must say, it did wonders for me!

Here’s to us all Feeling the Possibilities once again!!!
image gif sara sig clear


 

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Fuck It by Sara Russell of Feel the Possibilities
Visit Sara at: www.feelthepossibilities.com
Send email to sara@feelthepossibilities.com